I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
