You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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