I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
