I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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