I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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