things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
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