She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
