There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
