Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so let's talk penis.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
