he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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