literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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