Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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