her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
