There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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