your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
