hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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