Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I smell stomach acid.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
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You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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