there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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