I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
