never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
