Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
