you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize