Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
