She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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