I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
