He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
someone owes me an orgasm
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
BRING THE BAGELS
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
