There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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