So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
