we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
