so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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