watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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