dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
