I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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