No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
