We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
