fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
