I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i drank out of a bidet.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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