I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
