I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
