my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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