Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
