found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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