oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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