im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
