Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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