Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
