Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
