JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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