He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I wish there were birth control emojis
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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