look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
