Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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