if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
