I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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