Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
