Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
