I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
