Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
