Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
