She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
