My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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