dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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