i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
