so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
