Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
