i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
