I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
