Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
