no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I didn't notice because vodka
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
