Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
