I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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