I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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