you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
