Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
