I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
