i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
