Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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