You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
