I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
