Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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