oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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