Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
