in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
