We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
