..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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