Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
