I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
false alarm, still single
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
