finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
