I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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