So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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