the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
