you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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